26 and growing

Being 20 something ..no body ever said it was going to be easy...moneys tight...I'm constantly paying off your credit cards...the guys seem to be still just as lame as they were in high school, and I've finally come to a point in my life where I'm start to feel guilty about sleeping in past 9am..because life is calling, and pulling me in every different direction, and I'm so completely focused on keeping up, that I don't even notice that I'm far past the point of developing a rather unhealthy, possible ulcer developing addiction to coffee.

I do it to myself though...I'm always pushing myself to be better, to grow, to change, to learn....this could be seen a great quality, or detrimental depending on where your priorities are.

That's another thing about being in your mid 20s..finding balance...with everything, finding that perfect harmony between jobs, finances, men, friends, family, and the ever changing..you.

I started a 'small business' a few years ago, its turned out to be a rather expensive hobby, or so it feels like that most days. It is not an easy thing to do, I'm still trying to figure it all out, and trying to figure out exactly how much time and money goes into 'following your dreams'...before you start to wonder if you should have just kept to scrap booking, and how much money you would have saved.

I work for a charity during the day to pay the bills. It pays potatoes, and passes for a 'soul satisfying' experience in order to do so. I suppose I am aiding in the fight against Cancer...but this empowerment wears off really fast once you realize you can't afford groceries and you've been renting a room from a college student and trying to run this 'business' on a desk that you had when you were 15 and has lived well past its expiry date..functionality wise, and style wise.

Yes, you read that correctly, renting a room from a college student, and running a business out of it. Once again, no one said being 26 would be easy.

I have BIG dreams, and am sad to say that currently I spend more time visualizing my life post dream come true, than I do actually pursuing them...this needs to change...

I just met someone fantastic...we'll call him "W'...he inspires me, challenges me, makes me laugh, and makes me completely melty and fluttery when he runs his fingers through his thick, long black hair...he's a beautiful man, and we've been on 2 dates...I find myself, once again telling myself, to relax, and take it slow...I've done this a time or two, and am currently working on breaking what some might call some unhealthy relationship cycles (we all have them....right?) anyway, needless to say this is not an easy task with W around, hes gorgeous, and witty, and he's very...into me...self control, another one of those 20 something lessons I am still amidst of perfecting.
I've been here so many times I can't even count..he's already got a hold on me with his wit, and charm, and how long will it be before I realize; in an always so shocking and upsetting experience; that he's just another chapter in my life that I will take another 'lesson' from....if every failed relationship comes with lessons, then why aren't I getting any better at this? If that theory was true science, I would be getting paid to give relationship advice at this point.

I'm mastering the art of making myself my first priority. This is not an easy task for the 'chronic dating' type..I'm never really single for too long..there's always interested candidates around..but when did I decide that any random Joe that likes the way I look is going to be more important than myself.

My summer is going to be full of yoga, travelling, friends, learning how to cook, hiking, camping, some fabulous outdoor music festival, and knowing me a hot summer fling...or maybe it won't be just a fling this time?

Only time will tell....

Peace,
L